The Pain They Never Knew
by RuneNeko
Summary: After Naruto killed Orochimaru and brought back Sasuke. He was expecting a warm welcome and the acknowledgement he craved. But now, he can't. His spirit shattered, he decides to end it all. [Twoshot, mentions of depression]
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: This is a two-shot. It is dedicated to someone, you will find out at the bottom.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

Naruto smiled weakly while half dragging, half carrying the surviving Uchiha. He had just rescued Sasuke from Orochimaru and said snake is dead, by Naruto's Fuuton: RasenShuriken to the head.

He couldn't wait to get back to the village, and hear all those cheers for him. Finally, he will gain the acknowledgement he craved! He single-handedly rescued Sasuke from Orochimaru's grasp, and killed Konoha's most hated nin.

They don't have any reason to be mad at him!

Naruto winced, he jarred another wound. Orochimaru had used that stupid sealing technique on him before the fight ended, so his wounds were not healing as fast as they should be. His hands shook slightly, shit, he needed his pills.

Ever since Naruto could remember, he has been taking anti-depressants, and sleeping pills. The anti-depressant was for his deep depression that he hides so well, and the sleeping pills were for peaceful nights without the nightmares. He doesn't think that he has had one night where he didn't have nightmares when he forgot to take his pills.

The nightmares were horrific when he did have them, and they were always the same thing. A monster, that looked eerily like himself, slowly and painfully killing all those he held dear, along with a burning Konoha just behind him.

He told himself, time and time again, that he would never let the monster that attacked Konoha all those years ago loose on his precious Konohagakure.

He panted harshly at the extra weight, but kept going, his promise to Sakura driving him on. The Uchiha still hasn't woken up from when he was knocked out by Naruto several hours ago.

He let out a small grin when he saw the gate before him. Just a little further.

He could see Sakura standing near the gate, a worried expression on her face. Just as she spotted him, it began to pour, the rain making the ground harder to walk on.

Sakura came running up to him, a worried expression on her face, and took the Uchiha from his back. She didn't say anything to him as she ran a diagnostic on Sasuke, so focused, she didn't notice the shaking of her teammate, or the swaying he was doing.

Her green hands returned to their normal color as she let the chakra go, and stayed there. Naruto was worried, so he asked, "Sakura-chan? What's wro-"

She suddenly whirled on him with a furious expression on her face, "You hurt Sasuke-kun! I told you I wanted him brought back, but I didn't want him to the point where he is ready for a body bag! How could you, you… you monster!" She smacked him, hard, on his right cheek. Her nails, which were manicured while Naruto was rescuing Sasuke, left four lines on his red cheek, and blood leaked out of them. "Just go and die, you monster!"

Something inside Naruto broke, and if you looked at his eyes properly, you would notice the deadness they seem to give off, like he was no longer there. He gave a sad smile, knowing what she said was true. He was a monster. His dreams were proof of that, I mean, what kind of human would have those kinds of dreams? He must not be human.

He is the demon everyone claims him to be.

"Well, I'll just leave him to you then. Can you tell Baachan I'll see her tomorrow for the report?"

"Just go, you monster, and leave me and Sasuke-kun alone before you do anything worse." Sakura replied curtly, laced with venom. Naruto nodded, and bowed his head so his hair covered his eyes. He walked away without another word.

Once he entered the gate, he saw the rest of the rookie twelve running towards him. He put his mask on full power, so no one would see the pain he was in, mentally, and physically. They stopped in front of him.

Unsurprisingly, Ino was the first to ask, "Where's Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto pointed his thumb over his shoulder, "Over there, Sakura's healing him."

Ino's eyes flared, "You hurt my precious Sasuke-kun? How dare you, you monster!" She smacked him too, and ran to see if she could do anything.

Naruto watched her go, his dead eyes returning. He hid his sorrow with his mask carefully before returning to the others in front of him, "Hey guys!" He said in a loud voice. "What's with the warm welcome?"

"Hey, what happened to your cheek?" Kiba asked.

"Oh, Sakura slapped me too for bringing Sasuke back nearly dead. It's not like I didn't have any choice in the matter." Naruto replied in his boasting voice. His smile faltered when no one smiled.

"Hn, mendekuso. I'm going to see if Ino'll be okay." Shikamaru yawned before walking off.

"I am going to see the youthful and beautiful Sakura-chan!" Lee announced and ran off.

"I'm also going to see if Ino'll be okay." Chouji muttered, and walked off with a wave.

"Are y-you okay, N-Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked quietly.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine, Hinata-chan, don't worry about me. Nothing could keep me down!" Naruto pumped his arm in the air. Hinata nodded and said, "I'm g-going to s-see if Sakura-san needs a-any help in healing Sasuke-san."

"Okay, I'll be fine, don't worry… about… me." Naruto trailed off, watching Hinata run off without looking back, and without letting him finish. He sighed.

He felt a pat on his back and turned to see Neji smiling softly at him, "Welcome home, Uzumaki."

"Thanks Neji, Shino, it's great to be back!" Naruto replied, now watching Kiba run after Hinata. "Neji, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Can you tell Baachan that I'll get her the report in the morning, I'm so tired right now."

"Sure, you go on ahead to your house and get some sleep. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, bye Neji, bye Shino. I'll… talk to you tomorrow."

Both of them noticed the small hesitation in using those words, but thought nothing of it.

Naruto, using the rooftops, and his top speed, arrived at his apartment in record time. He locked the door thoroughly, and retrieved a pen and paper. He wrote a quick note to Tsunade, one for his report and one to all those he held dear, and set them on the table, along with the Shodaime's necklace.

He smiled softly as he winced again from his wounds. He peeled off his jacket and threw it aside, going to the cupboard for his pills. He took several anti-depressants, and all of the sleeping pills he had, which was two bottles. He kept his sad smile on as he entered his bedroom and laid on the bed. He took off his hitai-ate and held it to his chest, remembering when he had gotten it.

Iruka would understand, he knew it.

He was not sure if everyone else would understand. But, once they knew of the burden he carried, they would not care. They would be glad he was dead.

His thoughts briefly wandered onto the seal on his stomach, over the previous. Now, he was glad that Orochimaru used that sealing technique on him. Now he doesn't have to worry about the stupid fox pumping the effects of the sleeping pills out of his system so he wouldn't die.

He closed his eyes and appeared in his mind. He went straight towards the cage of the Kyuubi, now re-enforced. The Kyuubi was looking at him in slight surprise.

"**What are you doing here, you ningen?"**

"I just wanted to say goodbye, Kyuubi."

"**What do you mean, flesh-bag? You aren't going anywhere!"**

"I beg to differ. I just wanted you to know, I don't blame you for how the villagers treated me. I forgive you, and thank you for being there for all my life."

"**What are you going on about? Why are you fading?!?"**

Naruto gave a sad smile and walked into the cage, hugging Kyuubi's massive paw. This shocked Kyuubi so much, he didn't snap out of his stupor until Naruto was back out of the cage.

"Bye Kyuubi." Naruto disappeared from his mind.

He opened his eyes, to see that they were blurry and his mind was fuzzy. Good, they were starting to take effect. He smiled a true smile. He wasn't going to be in pain any longer.

The next morning, Sasuke was up and about, and currently being questioned by Tsunade. But he wouldn't answer any of her questions.

"Uchiha, if you know what's good fo-"

"Where's the dobe?" Sasuke cut her off.

This was answered by a confused expression, "He should have been here hours ago. I'm going to check on him." She stood.

Sasuke stood up as well, "I'm going too."

She nodded and jumped out the window in the direction of Naruto's apartment, Sasuke following close behind.

When they got there, they couldn't open the door, so Tsunade punched it, reducing it to splinters.

"Naruto?" Tsunade called, walking in after Sasuke.

"I'll go check his room." Sasuke muttered, and went to his room.

"Yosh. Hey, what's this?" She picked up the piece of paper from the table, along with the necklace, and read the note.

Sasuke entered Naruto's room, to see Naruto still sleeping. He relaxed a bit, and took a stop towards him. He suddenly froze. Something was wrong. He activated his Sharingan and looked around, seeing nothing out of place. His eyes then landed on Naruto's chest. It wasn't… moving. Why wasn't it moving?!

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled, running up to his prone body, and checked his pulse. Right when he put his fingers on his neck, he recoiled in shock. Naruto was cold… too cold.

Naruto was dead.

Sasuke backed up until he hit the wall and stared at Naruto's dead body. Tsunade heard the yell after she finished the note and ran towards the room with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No! Naruto!" Tsunade hugged the once so warm body close to her, as if her heat would bring him back. She broke down.

Sasuke felt out of place, so he walked out of the room. He went to the kitchen and picked up a piece of paper, and started to read. It was just a report.

He picked up the other paper on the table and began to read that one too. He gasped in shock at what it said.

_To whomever is reading this._

_If you are some random villager, just rip this piece of paper up. Otherwise, keep reading._

_Tsunade-baabaa, I will miss you. I wanted to say that I've always thought of you as a surrogate mother, and always called you Baachan as a stress reliever. I love you._

_Jiraiya, Ero-sennin, I will miss you too, and I always looked up to you as a dirty grandfather, a dirty, yet somewhat wise grandfather who was there for me. I love you._

_Shikamaru, I am honored to call you my friend. Keep your friends close, and protect them with all your might. Never let go._

_Neji, I thought of you as a brother. Never let fate rule your life, and choose your own destiny. I love you._

_Hinata, I thought of you as a sister. Don't let those old hags rule your life, make me proud! And please, fulfill my promise to Neji, for I don't think I can._

_Chouji, you were always my eating partner. I am honored to have eaten with, and known you in life. Make your clan proud!_

_Kiba, you were always calling me down, always loud, always brash. This is why I thought of you as a brother. Please take care of Akamaru, and hold him close. I love the both of you._

_Gaara, you were just like me, knowing the pain of loneliness, not knowing the feeling of love. Please, continue to live strong and protect your people with all your might! I also thought of you as my brother, I love you._

_Ino, I began to think of you as the sister I could go to, to talk of my problems. But now, I don't think I can anymore. I'm sorry, please forgive me._

_Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon, get stronger and make me proud! You were always the younger siblings I thought I was never going to have. I love all three of you._

_Shino, you were the creepy older brother that was always there for me. I love you._

_Tenten, we never really talked much, but I'm sure we would have been good friends. Be the best you can be!_

_Lee, go for it! If you try hard enough, anything is possible! Keep your youthful spirit and fire within lit to its brightest!_

_Sakura, you need to let go of Sasuke. You will never find happiness if you continue to pursue him like you do. Lee is more than willing to make you happy, give him a chance. Oh yeah, I forgive you._

_Kakashi-sensei, I thought of you as a laid back uncle. I love you._

_Iruka-sensei, I thought of you as a father, you were always there for me. I love you with all my heart, and pass on some of my love to the future generation of ninja._

_Sasuke, you were always my rival, the person who cared enough to give me a little acknowledgement that I craved so much, even if it was put downs. I thank you, and I think of you as a brother, a very close brother. I love you the most._

_Anyone else I have forgotten, I apologize. I thank you for being my friend._

_Keep your inner fire strong!_

_Naruto_

**(A/N: This is dedicated to my Auntie Shelley, who passes away October 3rd, in her sleep. May she rest in peace. Please review.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed, I really appreciate it.**

Review feedback

2pax - I know what you mean, but I just didn't want to. You could call me a lazy author, but I just wanted to make it a two-shot kind of thing. I've never written anything like this, even on paper. Thanks for reviewing.

Relicarmor - Thank you very much, I wrote the chapter the morning after finding out about my auntie's death. At first, I thought it was a drug overdose, since she took a lot of medication, but I know the real reason she died.

Yuffie's Ninja Insanity - I know, I know this is cliched and all that shit, but seriously, why did you read it if it's so cliched and overused? I forgot to mention that Hinata and Ino are both medic nins too, and seeing as they too, know that Naruto has the Kyuubi in his navel, that he should be fine enough to last a while before checking up on him. It was obvious that Sasuke was hurt more than Naruto. I don't really know how to explain this, but after thinking about what you said, I'm blaming the 'slapping Naruto' incident to hysteria, and panic. He IS still the last Uchiha, and fangirlism just doesn't die that easily with those two, you know? Thanks for the review anyway.

Nara-chan25 - Unfortunately, I'm not going to continue it. I've already made up my mind about it being a two-shot, and I already have another story I'm wanting to work on, and I refuse to work on more than three at a time. I'll probably end up forgetting about one of them sooner or later, so it's easier this way. Thanks for the review!

Nuramon - I thank you, I sincerely do, and you are correct. We always have our memory. Thanks for the review.

Lamson - I tried my hardest to make the chapter as 'feeling' as possible. I'm not that good at angst stuff, I'm more of an adventure kind of person, willing to write about someone doing something or other and being a hero. Thanks for the review!

J7nx - Thanks, I'm that way too. I always cry with 'Naruto dying' fics, it's just so sad.

Shankstar89 - Thanks for the review!

UchihaSakuraXItachi - To be truthful, I laughed at this. The first thing that popped into my head was, "Why do you only have one contact in?" Hehe, thanks for the review!

Mangalover248 - Yeah, thanks. It does happen, and I kind of forgotten to point out that is was hysteria and panic that drove them to do that, but I suppose it ain't a good explanation either. I don't know, I only had about an hour and a half to write it, and lots of authors knows that that is not very long to write something even that short, and remember every little detail. Thanks for the review.

Mage Ronin - I know it's too cliched, I've read a lot of them myself. But how many people realize how hard it is to write a completely original plotline, that no one, and I mean _no one_ has written before? It's harder than many people think. And I've heard that it has potential to become an epic, but I simply refuse to write anymore on it. I might in the future, but that's then. It's kind of hard to explain, but I don't like writing stories about Naruto when Naruto isn't there to write about. I feel my motivation will slip away for it sooner than I may think and I don't want to have to discontinue any of my fics. Too many authors have discontinued good fics, and I refuse to be one of them. Thanks for the review!

**Okay, now I know how my aunt died. She died in her sleep, having a big blood clot near her heart, and in the end, giving her a massive heart attack that killed her in an instant. She died peacefully, and fast.**

**This story is still dedicated to her. May she rest in peace, forever.)**

Rain was pouring heavily, drowning the sorrow and grief of those who were close enough to the blonde to feel how he changed their lives. None of them could really grasp the fact that they wouldn't be able to see the sun they called their friend, the one who banished bad thoughts, lit up their day, saw the good in people, the one who wore his emotions on his sleeve, the one who was now lying upon a granite pedestal, wood and other necessities around him.

His only wish when he was dead was to be cremated and his ashes tossed to the wind on top on the Yondaime's head on Hokage Mountain. When Jiraiya asked him why, he said, "Because then I would fly where the wind flies, see what the wind sees, and caress the cheeks of those I love. And what better place to spread my ashes than on top of my idol's head?"

Jiraiya shook his head sorrowfully, tears threatening to fall, his sadness threatening to engulf him. He thought of how Naruto changed his life, made it have meaning again, making him see that even though shinobi were surrounded by death, there was still something to live for, to forget the blood on your hands that seemed to stain the skin, refusing to come off like some cursed tattoo.

The brat made him feel again, made him feel his age, yet… like the inner child everyone seemed to ignore. Jiraiya was angered at Naruto for leaving, yet happy that he was no longer in pain. He remembered the pride he felt when Naruto let the fact slipped that Naruto thought of him as his own grandfather, all the teasing he did to the blonde, making him pout. How the brat managed to worm into his heart remains a mystery, he had closed it off to anyone, keeping everyone at arms length so he wouldn't be hurt. But somehow, Naruto got the best out of anyone.

Neji was one prime example of that.

Neji was always cold, hating his uncle and the main branch of the Hyuuga's. Training day in and day out, getting stronger and stronger to prove that the ones not worthy to be in the main branch was just as strong. Believing in fate, destiny, only to have it beaten out of him at the chunnin exams. Naruto was the only one able to get through to his thick skull, himself not believing in fate, or destiny, for they were a load of bullcrap weak people thought up when they cannot change their fate.

Uzumaki Naruto was never weak, not in the slightest. Despite what he had been told all his life, he kept his chin held high, his shoulders squared, and looked ahead to a better future with the Will of Fire burning brighter than it ever had. No one could _ever_ say that Naruto was weak, for he went through stuff most people wouldn't dream of, and still kept his humanity.

And that was what set him apart, made him unique.

Jiraiya looked over to Iruka, he must be taking it the hardest. Naruto always told him that Iruka was the most important to him, being the first person, other than the old man, to acknowledge him. He was like the father he never had, and was certain he was ever going to get.

His eyes wandered over the other shinobi and kunoichi that were at the funeral, going over what he learned from the blonde over several training trips.

Sakura, his childhood crush. No matter how much she abused and belittled him, he thought of her as a sister, someone precious to him.

Kakashi, his sensei. Jiraiya felt a little anger rise in him when he remembered what Naruto told him about how he played favorites, and taught only Sasuke, occasionally Sakura. But Naruto told him that it was okay, Sasuke needed the attention more than he anyway, he is more important after all.

It marked the first day and last day Jiraiya slapped him hard enough to leave a shiny red handprint on his cheek for a week.

Shikamaru, the one that Naruto went to for advice. No matter how 'troublesome' the blonde was, he always helped him out, and occasionally played shougi or watched clouds with him.

Kiba, his resident partner in crime. Kiba was always seen fleeing the scene, hot on Naruto's trail, laughing maniacally at the success of the prank. From what Jiraiya heard, Naruto was the mastermind behind all of them, even Kiba unable to think up the plans that the blonde seemingly stored for later use.

Lee, the one who helped Naruto out with his taijutsu, and a fellow holder of the Will of Fire.

Tenten, she never knew the blonde well, but she came out of the respect she felt for him.

Hinata, always the one who saw the blonde for who he was, and still loved him deeply. He was the one who gave her the confidence she needed to become the Heir that was expected from her.

Shino, no one knows how close the two were, but Jiraiya had the sneaky suspicion that they were the best of friends.

Gaara, someone who felt the pain of loneliness being a host. He shared a bond with the blonde that had a deeper meaning, like brothers-in-pain, but something stronger.

Kankuro and Temari, they weren't close to Naruto as they would've liked, but they respected him more than anyone, and were thankful, beyond anything else, for giving their brother back to them.

Tsunade, Naruto's surrogate mother, and overprotective sister. She stood firmly in front of Naruto's body, no tears escaping.

Ino, one who was like a sister to Naruto. Tears streamed down her face.

Chouji, Naruto's eating partner, and best friend. Naruto often told Jiraiya how Chouji and him would have eating contests, with Naruto coming out on top more often than not.

Jiraiya rested his gaze on Sasuke. He was apart from the rest, staring at Naruto's face, his emotions carefully hidden.

Jiraiya heard Tsunade clear her throat, and turned his attention back to her, "Naruto's final wish was to be cremated and his ashes thrown to the wind on the Yondaime's head." She turned and began a sequence of seals, ending in tiger. She was about to announce her jutsu when the rain stopped, and the sun revealed itself in all it's bright glory. Everyone looked up, seeing snow white clouds. The wind picked up slightly as Tsunade lit the pyre.

As Naruto's body burned, everyone could feel another presence nearby, one that was painfully familiar.

"_Don't be sad…sad…sad…"_ A voice whispered, everyone looking around in alarm. _"Never be sad…sad…sad…"_ It whispered again.

Sakura suddenly sucked in her breathe when she felt something caressing her cheeks, pushing the tears away, and soft lips kissing her on the forehead. _"Not for me…me…me…"_

Everyone stared at her, before Hinata did the same, giving a small shriek as her tears were wiped away, and a soft kiss planted on her forehead.

"_Live…live… for me… me…"_ It whispered as it moved on to Ino, Tenten and Temari, doing the same.

Tsunade couldn't breathe properly when she felt ghostly arms wrap around her frame and give her a soft hug. _"Be strong…strong…strong…Don't be sad… never sad…sad…sad…"_

The boys, except Sasuke and Jiraiya, all felt someone patting their backs, or giving them hugs, saying whispered words of encouragement. Gaara actually seemed to pale when it reached him, giving him a meaningful hug, and kiss on the forehead, right in the middle of the kanji for 'ai' or love. Gaara actually fell to his knees and cried.

It reached Jiraiya, giving him a hug too, but it had more meaning in it, before disappearing, leaving his heart racing, and a warm feeling to spread all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes.

When it finally reached Sasuke, he stiffened when he felt ghostly arms wrap around his waist and kissing him chastely on the lips. He felt something else wrapping around him, seeing translucent white. _"I love you…you…you…my brother…brother…Live free…free…"_

"N-Naruto?" Sasuke asked, choking slightly. He was trembling when he brought his arms up to hug the blonde back, mildly surprised to feel his solid form. He hugged him tightly, tears streaming down his face as his mask broke, showing the scared little boy he felt inside. He felt fingers caress his cheeks, wiping away the tears, _"I'm not worth your tears…tears…please stop crying…crying…"_

It moved away, leaving Sasuke feeling impossibly warm inside. He followed the almost invisible form with his eyes, until it stopped high up in the air. Everyone else followed his gaze, and looked up at Naruto, whose form was now visible against the deep blue sky. He smiled gently and whispered, _"I love you…you…you…"_

"No! Don't go Naruto! I don't want to say goodbye!" Hinata screamed, not wanting him to leave.

Naruto smiled gently again, _"It's never a goodbye…goodbye…never…never…"_

And after his whispered that, two other translucent forms appeared behind Naruto, smiling. With one final wave, they were gone, and the sun shone even brighter.

On top of the Hokage Mountain, everyone that was present at the funeral was present there, and where watching as Tsunade held the jar that held Naruto's ashes. With one shaky breathe, she held out her arms, and threw the ashes into the wind, where it blew across Konoha.

"Never a goodbye." She whispered before turning with her head held high, and leaving, a few stray tears remaining. Everyone followed suit, in their eyes, the Will of Fire burning ever brighter.

The only one left was Sasuke, who looked out over Konoha, remembering all the times he and the blonde argued, sparred, bonded… One tear escaped, sliding down his cheek, before he turned and left.

If anyone saw him leave, they would have seen a peaceful look on his face, and a smile almost as big as Naruto's.

"_Live free…free…free…"_

**(A/N: Okay, as I mentioned before, I'm only making this into a two-shot. I thank all of those who reviewed.)**


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